Sunday, April 30, 2023

I Was Not a Good Student

I was not a good student, 

I missed a lot of my classes,

But I was not the student that 

demanded free passes.


I accepted my failures,

I accepted my flaw,

I did not define success

On the attendance law.


I was not a good student,

I did not submit all my work,

But I did have a motivation,

And that was my perk.


An A did not define me,

Nor did the well-earned C,

My talent was not defined

By my Bachlors degree.


I was not a good student,

I did not graduate with honor,

But I knew none of my work

Has ever been a goner.

Saturday, April 29, 2023

It Was Always You

A little nudge,
A sideways glance.
Hoping you understand,
Taking a chance.

A slight tap,
A restful sigh,
I think I understood,
The look in your eye.

Always different,
Unlike any other,
Always the one,
Always my lover.

From the beginning,
we always knew,
From the beginning,
 it was always you.

Friday, April 28, 2023

Black Mountian

Crystal clear waters, one endless blue sky,

Lush green vegetation, chipper cardinals nearby. 

Hungry young squirrels now satisfied,

A gentle breeze along the mountainside.

A day of paradise, the world so whole,

Doomed to be the last, when they come for coal.

The throne taken over, her head removed, 

The repose disturbed, life disapproved.

The air turned to dust, the life turned to death,

Her insides turned out as she took her last breath.

Once a home to life, free to drink from her fountain,

Has turned to poison, a dead, black mountain.

Thursday, April 27, 2023

To Make Us Last

Do you remember the first time we met.

The look in your eyes I’d never forget.

The love that we didn’t know quite yet.


Do you remember walking by my side in the hall?

I looked up to you not because you were tall.

But because of the feelings I felt through it all.


The memories, I have with you,

The love I found, that helped me through.

You just don’t know what you do.


You broke the barrier, became my carrier,

And lifted my spirits to be merrier. 

gave me protection and showed me direction,

That strengthened our connection.


because your all is all perfection to me,

The way we are is the way I want to be.

And here is my wish, my only crime,

To break the clock and slow down time.

So I’ll take my time to, cause all I want to do,

Is enjoy my life when I have you.


I only have one question I must ask,

can you remember to make this love last?

Wednesday, April 26, 2023

You

When the sun goes down and the stars come out,

That’s when I realize what our love’s about.

Your light shines though my broken heart,

Sowing it together, never again to be apart.

You pick me up when I come crashing down,

put my pieces together from off the ground.

You make me better, you make me new,

You make me whole, you make me true.

When trouble brews and times get hard,

You keep me safe, my loyal guard.

Your what keeps me happy in every way,

Your the reason I live through each day.

Tuesday, April 25, 2023

Never Say Goodbye

A simple message from you can make my day,

a simple smile from you goes a long way.

The gleam in your eye makes it hard to see,

the negativity in the world around me.

When I’m with you, it’s as if it’s only us,

and the fears deep inside quiet their fuss.

It is only love when I look straight into your eyes,

and I know deep inside we’ll never say goodbyes.


Monday, April 24, 2023

To Whom It May Concern

We can’t see what’s ahead, the path is always dark,

But this is the journey we all must embark.

You've got a fire of hope to be your light,

An omen of the future, yes, a happy sight.

After all the pain and all the responsibility,

you will keep pushing through for the victory you'll see.

Every step that you take, every choice that you make,

gets you closer to the dream you pursue.

'Cause through each day, there’s always a way

and I promise, you will get through.

Sunday, April 23, 2023

I Live With Fear

I live with fear

so I'm never alone.

When you drew near

I should have known

that the price I pay

is the gain you make.

The words you say

are so hard to take.

You call this love?

What you do to me?

When all I dream of

is just to be free.

You call this good?

To always suffer more?

You know what you should,

and I’ve said it before.

Sometimes I wish for a twin,

someone to hold my hand.

She’d see the sin,

she would understand.

It's painful alone,

worse than being beat.

No life of my own,

only true defeat.

Loved you like the others,

and do as you say,

But you’re just another,

to burden the long day.


Saturday, April 22, 2023

Confined

Unable to speak, confined to my mind,

if I looked for hope, what would I find?

You said I have no right to defend,

I just have to take it all and pretend,

That through it all I’m still alright.

forced to fake it everyday but every night,

piece by piece, you’re slowly killing me,

with everything you’re forcing me to be.

Little by little I’m going insane,

Any attempt to speak to you is all in vain.

Just shut up, that’s all you would say,

but still expect me to be perfect in every way.

I guess that explains why you refuse to say,

that what happened happened that one day. 

In the darkness behind the closed door,

I gave my heart but he wanted more.

He took something that was once mine

and you never payed attention to the signs.

After it all, you couldn’t care less,

so you taught me how to supress

the truth I am forced to lock inside,

even when it was never for you to decide.

Friday, April 21, 2023

Things Kept in the Junk Drawer

On top, a gift card that expired years ago 

and receipts from places now full of woe. 

Next is the poem written in permanent pen, 

admonishing the ignorant bliss from then. 

On the side: Photos, where hindsight became regret, 

this anamnesis made (ironically) to forget. 

Behind is the key for a safe not to open, 

for it is overflown with promises made and broken. 

Then there’s the bills believed not to exist 

that were left unopened on top of a list 

of all the things wanted before life to succumb, 

yet all things that were never to become. 

But beneath it all, a heart at its core, 

not worn on a sleeve nor shared anymore. 

Concealed for disfunction, left decaying to dust, 

for a broken heart is a heart no longer to trust.

Thursday, April 20, 2023

Fire and Ice

Bitter than the sting of ice,

Is the tearing of all our ties,

When I say I'm giving advice,

When I say I'm trying to be precise,

But all I've done is deal more lies.


Harsher than the blister of fire,

Is the knife in our heart,

When you say we’re hanging on a wire,

When you say I'm no longer what you desire,

When all you've done is fall more apart.


Worse than the power of both things,

Is the truth we won’t live by,

When the hope we have still clings,

When a new dawn still brings,

There is an end we both deny.

Wednesday, April 19, 2023

Nature's Call

When she reminds me that I was never enough,

I find myself like an animal to the slaughter,

The wind whispers in my ears nature’s calling,

and so I walk alongside the wild to the water.


The sharp green blades beneath the open sky

the crystal blue water, the array of scaly colors,

faded hoof prints trailing to a rotting carcass,

the cycle of giving one life for all the others.


When he says that I’m not trying hard enough,

I find myself like the hunter in the redwood,

The birds cry out in my ears a promise,

and so I walk alongside the wild’s misunderstood.


The gun cocked tight against my shoulder,

as if it was there more often than the dusty shelf,

The cat’s crawl, lowly, to anticipate it’s prey,

Pull the trigger and no longer recognize myself.

Tuesday, April 18, 2023

On My Heart

You left fingerprints on my beating heart

that became the only combination

To unlock it, to open it, to spill my blood.


My heart is but a vessel

For the joys and sorrows of life.

Once empty, once lost, once dysfunctional.


Where I once felt nothing 

In the core of my being,

Not happy, not sad, not anything.


But you stormed your way into my life

and forced me to open up once more,

To the joys, to the pain, to the world.


You taught me that sometimes the pain

Is worth fighting through when the love

Is near, is here, is now mine.

Monday, April 17, 2023

Overthinker

“You are the one who has changed.” He says.

He pierces through me as he stares intensely,

deep into my eyes.


How dare he, Anger snaps, how dare he talk as if 

he did not change as well. That stupid stupid 

son of a bitch!


He’s not stupid, Fear argues. He knows exactly 

what he’s doing. He’s trying to manipulate

us. He’s going to use this to hurt us!


No, Sympathy exasperates. Remember he has

feelings too! He is hurting just as much as us.

He has a heart too and it’s breaking.


That’s true, Guilt adds. And I think we know

who caused this, don’t we? He’s had his hands full

With all of us. We caused this.


Who the hell cares? Hurt says. “Who gives a fuck

how much his pain is? Fuck him and his bullshit.

What about our pain?


Everyone just stop! Reason injects. Why don’t we 

just calm down and think this entire situation through.

How did we get here?


Firstly, Logic answers, he mentioned what happened earlier

when we were upset with him for what he did, but he said it

as if it was a joke.


You were being a butt, Mockery taunted. Maybe one day

My girlfriend won’t be such a bitch and she will actually

give me love and affection.


He didn’t said it like that, Second Guessing whispers, I mean

He didn’t right? Maybe I’m wrong. No, I’m pretty sure I’m right.

Well, maybe. Am I?


He didn’t mean it. Self-Hatred scoffs. But he should have.

He should have said how much of a bitch we are for real

in every given moment.


Stop it, Self-Love interjects. Can we be bitchy? 

sure, but we are a good person. We are kind,

and smart and worthy.


Will you just shut up, Disgust interrupts. Dear god!

Look at all of you right now! You’ve all gotten off topic

and descended into madness!


Wait, hold on, Memory demands. I can’t keep track

of all this. Revert back to the situation. After his joke,

we snapped at him.


Yes, Logic comes back with. But we shouldn’t have

done that. It is, technically speaking, our fault

for taking it so seriously.


Yeah, Hurt says. But it really bothered me. Didn’t it

Bother you? Sure he didn’t mean any harm, but it 

really hit me hard.


Exactly! Anger hollers. Exactly my point! He decided

to make the choice and stab at us so it’s our fucking

turn to get revenge!


Once again, Reason injects. We need to focus!

Let us, for the love of any sense of serenity,

Please focus only on the situation!


We snapped, Guilt adds. We shouldn’t have

and now we got him to snap too. This is all our fault!

We should’ve just stayed silent!


Maybe, Sympathy exasperates, maybe we should

Just apologize for our part. After all, two wrongs

don’t make a right.


Uh hello? He says, and suddenly I’ve returned to the room

Where it is just him and I. An unknown silence creeps around

and I ask “I’m sorry. . .I. . . what?”


I was trying to apologize to you.” He says. “I didn’t mean to 

come across rude. You know we play around, I just thought

Now was one of those times too.”


“Oh” I mumble. “Oh um, I’m sorry too. I was listening,

I promise I was, I was just. . .” My voice trailed off.

“Just what?” He asks.


I shake my head. “Nothing. It was nothing, never mind.”

He pierces through me as he stares intensely,

deep into my eyes.

Sunday, April 16, 2023

Cracked Like a Mirror

Cracked like a mirror

Caught between two worlds.

Poison seeps in,

Silently creeping through.

Where is the life?

Where is the hope?

Trapped in cursed blood,

Unable to escape.

Insanity knocks at my door,

And takes my mind hostage.

A slave to the pain,

My efforts all in vain.

Poison takes her hostage,

Nothing can be done.

Where is a prayer?

Where is God?

I feel abandoned by both fathers,

 The one who gave me life,

And the one who created life.

One abandoned my mother and me,

The other took my mother from me.

I can’t forgive one,

I beg forgiveness from the other.

This, the blood war and the poison,

Make me alone in the world.

Only insanity keeps me alive,

To forever haunt me. 

Saturday, April 15, 2023

Unworthy

I’m no longer sure how to go about the day,

because of what I said when said in that way.

I’m worried that I went to far,

cut deep and reopened his scar.

He says there's nothing I could do,

that it wasn't my fault because I never knew.

Because I wasn't there that certain day,

but still I know it’s all in what I say.

I can't stop him, I can't keep him here,

I realize the worst, my deadly fear. 

It hurts me deeply, but his life is on the line,

and I'll lose everything that was ever mine.

He's the one who set me free

But I can’t do the same for he.

Friday, April 14, 2023

Beyond Redemption

I see him floating before me

An apparition of what once was.

A man I loved, no longer here with me

But still conscious of my presence.

It is not he who has invaded my world,

But I who invaded his.

Seeking redemption desperately,

I find him stuck in a timeless loop,

An endless circle of repeating

The same thing he always did

Rubbing his forefinger and his thumb

Against each other as he recounts

The memory of my voice

Screaming over and over at him.

He says nothing but stares past me

At the spirit within me

of who I once was

Before I realized my flaw. 

He can no longer see beyond 

My failure to love him.

He needs me to know

It was I who killed the man

who once lived within this shell 

That hovers before me.

He knows that I am here,

But shows me this instead,

Because he knows 

that what he suffered,

Is what I will relive 

over and over,

The moment I perish too.

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Mirror Mirror

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