Nothing

 i feel Nothing.

no Regret,

no Pain,

no Reason to keep going.

no thinking,

no breathing,

frozen in the Moment.

no speaking,

no listening,

She doesn't try to understand.

my Fear,

rises high,

when I look in Her eyes.

the Professional

should never

make Her patient cry.

but She did,

because i did,

from the ice in Her voice.

i didn't take

the Blood Test,

when She wanted me to. 

i didn't know

it would affect

as much as it did.

but She Screamed,

and She Insulted,

and made me feel like Nothing.

i Cried

and Apologized,

i did so over and over.

She continued,

She Threatened,

She made me fear Her.

She told me.

She told Them,

Everyone at the Practice.

I caught Her

red-handed

complaining about me.

to Coworkers

to Receptionists

Family and Friends too.

a simple Mistake,

that i corrected,

was clearly never Forgotten.

She Hurt me

even more

than the reason i see Her.

and last time

that last Session

She spent all our Time

to Complain

to Bash

other Patients of Hers

instead of Helping

of Listening

as i paid Her for.

She was Cold

and Angry

and i blame myself.

for Forgetting

and Letting 

the Words get in my head.

i'm Afraid

to Hurt

every time i see Her

i'm Afraid

my Vulnerability

becomes Her greatest Weapon.

to Control

to Abuse

the Power She has over me.

and just

when i decide

to find someone better

She pulls me

so close

with carefully sweet words

so that i

Blame myself

and seek Redemption in Her

She makes

me feel

that no one else wants me.

that She

only She

is patient enough with me.

and that i

could never

replace Her with another.

i'm Scared

to Disappoint

a doctor that worsens my condition

so that now

i cannot feel

anything more than this.

i feel Nothing.

i see Nothing.

i hear Nothing.

i am Nothing.