Melody

 As I write, I think back,

The story begins on day one,

My heart was sealed off but

The damage was already done.

He told me all he ever wanted,

Was to die and suffer no more.

Isn’t it ironic when they tell a story,

And it’s one you’ve heard before?

Because that story was mine, 

And everything he said was true. 

All of the things he experienced,

I had experienced them too.

Maybe that’s why we fell in love,

Maybe that’s what brought us together.

Maybe that’s why we’re still here,

Maybe that’s why I tell him forever.

It’s as if it was all planned,

all that I had gone through,

Was just to be there for him,

And all the things he has to do.

And when I’m with him,

My heart skips a beat. 

when I think of our love,

My past shrivels in defeat. 

Our love is like a song,

That tells a difficult tale.

But ends in our victory 

Overcoming the times we fail.

When I think of him and I,

I hear this strange melody,

With the words “we are trapped alone,

But together we are set free.”

I Get Hurt Sometimes

I get hurt sometimes.

And I’ll get stuck in line,

Waiting for the earth to change its mind.

But it left it’s child behind.

Cause it left me behind.

Keys on the table,

And clothes on the floor,

A jacket I forgot about,

Hanging on the door.

The word around in chaos,

As I’m curled up in a ball,

My arms wrapped around me,

And my back pressed to the wall.

It’s another day,

And I can’t breathe.

This pain I feel,

It just won’t leave.

I’m overwhelmed,

And overworked.

Behind my thoughts

This pain lurked.

I’m struggling in school

And at home too,

There’s nothing more here

For me to do.

Cause I get hurt sometimes,

No matter how hard I try,

To push it down, out of mind.

This pain I always find.

Yeah I get hurt sometimes.

And I’ll get stuck in line,

Waiting for the earth to change its mind.

But it left it’s child behind.

Cause it left me behind.

Yeah I get hurt sometimes,

But that’s okay, that’s alright.

I’ll just push it off

For another night.

Air bag in my face,

Dust in the air.

The scent of decay

That wasn’t always there.

The world around in chaos,

As I’m strapped to my seat.

The engine in my windshield,

Blasting it’s heat.

It’s another day,

And I can’t breathe.

This pain I feel,

It just won’t leave.

The inside of my chest,

Burns from the hit.

My head pounds in fear,

And it just won’t quit.

I’m struggling with the truth,

And all of the guilt,

Knowing all of the damage,

that needs to be rebuilt.

Cause I get hurt sometimes,

No matter how I try,

To push it down, out of mind.

This pain I always find.

Yeah I get hurt sometimes.

And I’ll get stuck in line,

Waiting for the earth to change its mind.

But it left it’s child behind.

Cause it left me behind.

Yeah I get hurt sometimes,

But that’s okay, that’s alright,

I’ll just push it off 

for another night.

But there’s no time that’s enough,

When all I stashed comes back up.

The tank is full,

The bottle explodes,

And all of the truth,

Begins to show.

I’m not okay, 

I’m not alright,

I can’t keep pushing it

To another night.

Cause I get hurt sometimes,

No matter how hard I try,

To push it down, out of mind.

This pain I always find.

Yeah I get hurt sometimes.

And I’ll get stuck in line,

Waiting for the earth to change its mind.

But it left it’s child behind.

Cause it left me behind.

Decay I

 “I just read Pet Sematary, and now the light is out. Great, now here he comes.”

I walked up the two flights of stairs to my apartment at one in the morning. I don’t really remember where I was coming from to be honest, but if I had to guess, it was probably Jordan’s house. The world outside was silent. The wind was patient and gentle. I was sure that, as every metal step clanked with my shoes, my neighbors would be cursing my name. 

“It’s just Destiny again”

“No the girl on the third floor, she’s always coming home late”

”I don’t know, probably out drinking as the other college kids do.” 

I don’t think they even know my name, what floor I live on, or who I am in general, but I can still see them in their beds, wishing to hex my existence. I picture these people behind those closed doors quite vividly.

The silence was deafening and my heart was pounding in anticipation of him. It was true that I preferred to be out when the world was most vulnerable in its slumber, but I didn’t like the Quiet. Most people fear being alone in the dark because they were, in fact, not alone. I’m afraid of being alone because I am truly alone…. And then I’m not. That’s when the voice would start, and that’s when my personality shifts. That’s when he’d start speaking to me. Walking up those stairs to see one of the lights out was the straw that broke the camel's back. As everything around me grew dark, I couldn’t hide him from myself anymore.

The pets came back to life in that book, but only as sacks of flesh. You’re a walking corpse, Destiny. You’re already dead as you walk in this darkness. Just like Gage. Just like Rachel. You’re dead. Dead, dead, dead. 

“I’m not dead.” I said back.

Yes, you are. You’re dead and you’re mine. Mine. Dead. Mine. Dead. Mine. Dead. Mine.

“Well I’m sorry you feel that way, that’s your problem, not mine.” Who was I trying to convince of that? Me? Or him? I didn’t know. The keys jingled as I unhooked them from my pants, found my apartment’s key and pushed it into the lock.

Dead. Mine. Dead. Mine. Dead. Mine.

“Please not tonight. I’m too tired for this.” I dropped everything I was carrying in my living room and made my way to the bedroom where I let my body collapse on the mattress. Looking at the ceiling, I watched the replay of my neighbors shifting in their beds and complaining about me one last time. It wasn’t real, I know, but my mind couldn’t help it. I yawned, secretly hoping sleep could help me escape him, at least for the night.

Sleep. Close your eyes. I’ll be here. I’ll be watching you drift away, and when you think you’ve gotten away, I’ll pull you back. You can’t run from me. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

“I know, I know.”

Sleep sleep sleep

your soul I get to keep

Sleep sleep sleep

your soul I get to keep

“Please stop the eerie singing.”

Sleep sleep sleep

Some rest you will find,

But when you wake,

You will STILL. BE. MINE.

My consciousness slips away at the sound of his soft cackling.

The Violin

The bow gliding across the strings
What sweet sounds the motion brings.
High and low in perfect harmony,
The gentle notes escaping gracefully.

A rapid rise and staggering fall,
The loss of myself through it all.
Forgotten memories start taking form,
And become a rainbow after the storm.

I remember the joy before the pain,
And my ability to dance in the rain.
My realization of who I want to be,
As if the violin came to set me free.

I feel things I hadn’t felt before,
True feeling locked beneath my core.
Before these things, I’ve never known,
What it’s like to not be left alone.

I remember what you said to me,
The person I was turning out to be.
She’s not the person I want to know,
But it’s clear now that she must go.

I open my eyes to behold what I see,
More than just a symphony lying before me.
For now there was a future beyond my sin,
that began with the playing of the violin.

© Destiny Premo